Dear Angela Epstein
I read your recent article on Best Daily and I feel I had to write to you (for anyone who hasn't read the 'Having Fat Friends is Such Hard Work'article, you can do so here).
Firstly, I find it disappointing that you find any of your friends hard work. Friendship should be something that makes your life nicer - not harder. However, when I look at the reasons why you find your friendships such hard work - I am left flabbergasted.
Rather than condemning your friend for trying to do the 'right' thing and order a salad - why not tell her that you love her, just as she is - and that she should order the Welsh Rarebit if she wants to. Reassure her that life is worth far more than worrying about the size of her jeans! Tell her that you want her to enjoy her afternoon without worrying - and that IT IS OK to order exactly what she wants for lunch.
Do you know why your friends are seemingly hard work? Because everywhere you turn, the world tells you that you should hate yourself for being fat. When you open magazines who tell you to drop a dress size before Christmas and when you go on websites for clothes who tell you that you are too big for their range - they're all telling you that your body is not OK, and that you should change it.
When you're up against this sort of hard work it can be tough to say... "I am OK just as I am, and I do not need to change", so you live in this sort of eternal turmoil which leads you to eat a salad at lunch and then a pizza at dinner because you hate yourself for not feeling that the salad was enough.
And throughout all of this - do you know what you should be able to do? You should be able to speak to your friends, feel their love and support and to know that they love you no matter what.
Rather than spending your time writing hateful articles for Best Daily why don't you spend your time telling your friends that being the size they are is OK - they if they want to order Welsh Rarebit they can and that is OK. Perhaps then, when they feel a little more confident in their body image you'll have less hard work to put up with and can put your efforts into being a proper friend, who supports them no matter what they weight.
The world can be a hard place - why would you want to make it harder for your friends to love themselves with your cruel words? If your friends are "hard work" do them a favour and find yourself some new ones. Just make sure they are thin, because we all know thin people have no problems or dramas so will give you a happy, stress free friendship...
Debz x
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